I spent some of this weekend thinking about the word redemption and what it means. Not necessarily the religious context of it, but the taking a wrong and making it right idea. I think this stuck with me because I watched a few movies over the weekend in which the themes were about making things right and using your pain to help others. Like everyone I have had some painful things happen to me and have struggled with the anger and despair that often accompanies being hurt. In the book The Shack the author calls his main character's pain (due to the murder of his youngest daughter) "the Great Sadness." This makes sense to me because some of the bad things that can happen in life seem so consuming that they haunt you no matter how hard you try to ignore them. I am often reminded of this fact when something new in my life causes me pain (a conflict. a death, etc). All of a sudden the floodgate of old pain re-opens and I find myself back at the beginning of my pain. At these points I find myself wanting to do something to bring back a sense of empowerment by speaking out and/or helping others who have gone through similar events. Once again being a private person works against me here. Also the problem for me is that my past is not just my own, but is shared and therefore not my own to tell. I grow tired of feeling like I'm hiding a large part of myself and of my journey, but I don't think it will be hidden for long. If I want to help survivors of abuse I need to acknowledge its own role in my life. You can't make someone sorry for the wrongs committed against you, but you can stand up for yourself and others. I think I need to see some kind of redemptive purpose in my suffering.
Well it's been just over a week now since I got back from my vacation. When I look back it's clear that outside of the normal bumps of any vacation, it was a very pleasant one! My parents and I flew into Puerto Vallarta at around 4pm on Friday July 1. As we stumbled into the crowded airport and attempted to manuever our way through the throngs of sales people, the kissy faces of a number of Mexican men made me suddenly all too conscious of my "Kiss me I'm Canadian" shirt. Oh well, like anyone would dare try with my Mom nearby (she gives off very protective Mom vibes...I think it may be because she's very protective). Anyway after a run in with a sales man who had briefly convinced us he was our Sun Wing Rep, we managed to slump into a nice air conditioned bus that took us the 20 minutes or so to Riviera Nayarit and up to our Resort "Riu Jalisco". It took me a good part of the trip to realize that the "j" is Jalisco is pronounced "h...
this is a real dilemma. i've heard a few friends say similar things, and the desire to break the silence is pretty urgent for some.
ReplyDeletein terms of using your pain for good, though, that doesn't need to involve telling your story. after all, many of those who are involved in protecting and empowering others don't have comparable pain. if you're not ready to talk, that shouldn't stop you from helping.
i hope you keep looking for ways to make your mark!
Thanks Mara! You make some good points. Sometimes I forget that you don't need to have it all together to make a difference!
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