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Awkward

I'm not trying to complain exactly...but my rehearsals for this next play have officially become awkward for me. It's not even necessarily because I need to get in real close with and even kiss a fellow actor but because this fellow actor has seemed to develop something of a crush on me. Usually when I notice this kind of thing happen I do what my sister has aptly labeled the "avoiddance". You know the one - the game those of us who are err "slightly" passive aggressive play when we don't want to face something - especially conflict. I've noticed that this game is much harder to play when your face to face with someone and pressed up against them. Bah! I always thought it would be so cool to have that first stage kiss (I had my first real life kiss when I was 14 with my boyfriend Jason and despite the fact that he turned out to be gay it was actually pretty nice). But no! Instead it's awkward and uncomfortable. The other awkward part about it is that I find the actor who my character doesn't like attractive and to be honest I'm almost worse around guys that I do like than guys that I don't. So I'm going up on this tiny stage and trying to put out emotions of annoyance towards the guy I find cute and emotions of longing for the guy I don't like that likes me. Oh cruel fates.

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