I spent some of this weekend thinking about the word redemption and what it means. Not necessarily the religious context of it, but the taking a wrong and making it right idea. I think this stuck with me because I watched a few movies over the weekend in which the themes were about making things right and using your pain to help others. Like everyone I have had some painful things happen to me and have struggled with the anger and despair that often accompanies being hurt. In the book The Shack the author calls his main character's pain (due to the murder of his youngest daughter) "the Great Sadness." This makes sense to me because some of the bad things that can happen in life seem so consuming that they haunt you no matter how hard you try to ignore them. I am often reminded of this fact when something new in my life causes me pain (a conflict. a death, etc). All of a sudden the floodgate of old pain re-opens and I find myself back at the beginning of my pain. At these points I find myself wanting to do something to bring back a sense of empowerment by speaking out and/or helping others who have gone through similar events. Once again being a private person works against me here. Also the problem for me is that my past is not just my own, but is shared and therefore not my own to tell. I grow tired of feeling like I'm hiding a large part of myself and of my journey, but I don't think it will be hidden for long. If I want to help survivors of abuse I need to acknowledge its own role in my life. You can't make someone sorry for the wrongs committed against you, but you can stand up for yourself and others. I think I need to see some kind of redemptive purpose in my suffering.
Alright so on the subject of random blogging, it has been a little while since I wrote anything on here. It's not because I have nothing to say or because nothing interesting has happened over the last few months, but because I am a self proclaimed random writer. I've never been good with deadlines or journaling or anything that takes follow through. I'm more of a in-the-minute, flying off the seat of my pants, motivated by inspirations and emotions kind of writer. So maybe I will give everyone a brief update on what has happened since July. 1) Enjoyed my trip to Pender Island (didn't see any whales on the whale watching excursion (boourns), but did see the biggest grossest jellyfish ever!) 2) Went camping with Danaya and her family along Kootenay Lake and survived a 16km hike up a mountain and back and hours of huckleberry picking (had a blast) 3) Cooked lots of Huckleberry goodies when I got home to share with family and friends (cobbler, pancakes, muffins, etc) ...
this is a real dilemma. i've heard a few friends say similar things, and the desire to break the silence is pretty urgent for some.
ReplyDeletein terms of using your pain for good, though, that doesn't need to involve telling your story. after all, many of those who are involved in protecting and empowering others don't have comparable pain. if you're not ready to talk, that shouldn't stop you from helping.
i hope you keep looking for ways to make your mark!
Thanks Mara! You make some good points. Sometimes I forget that you don't need to have it all together to make a difference!
ReplyDelete