The write stuff

So once again it is that time of year when people reflect back on what they have accomplished in the last year and make plans and goals for the next. I have spent some time looking over the last year and have been very happy with positive changes I have made in my life and tough challenges I have faced. It wasn't an easy year by any means, but it brought many neccessary changes in my life. This year I want to continue that trend and work on one of my weaknesses. Tne biggest weakness I think I need to work on is my lack of consistency. You see I tend to be very good at starting things, often too many things at a time, but I lack the discipline to carry things through. I tell myself I'm going to write down all of my purchases and track my spending...yeah that plan lasts about two days before I toss it. I say I'm going to do my exercises every day...but really it ends up happening very randomly and not nearly as frequently as it should. So this year instead of making a huge li

So recently I took a risk by doing what I love in front of others. I have always loved to sing but due to my lack of confidence the only places you'll usually hear me perform are in the shower or in my car. When my singing teacher first asked me if I would consider singing a set during Koi's open mike night I felt a mixture of terror and excitement. I started practising extra hard and was cautiously optimistic that it would turn out to be fun. Unfortunately the day I was supposed to sing also happened to be the day that Jonathan died and so I cancelled. I couldn't see myself up there singing "Stormy Weather" and maintaining any semblance of control over my voice. I was thrilled when I was invited to another open mic night just over a month later. It was nice and slightly unnerving to have my good friends and my sister there to hear me. For some odd reason I find it harder to sing in front of people I know than in front of strangers. Koi ended up being a very warm

Like many of you, I have had an interesting few weeks trying to deal with the snow, icy road conditions, long waits in traffic, and car problems. It was bad enough having my car stall on occasion and getting stuck in at least five snow mounds, but now my car has died. It fizzled yesterday and so I got to spend one of my vacation days out in the -30 weather trying to fix it and then drive it in a state of sheer terror to the nearest Certigard. I woke up this morning to find out that there are numerous issues that have piled up due to my car being treated like a work horse over the last few months. The breaks are pretty much non-existant and my battery too dead to even bother recharging. The mechanic paused a little when I asked for an estimate of the things they would have to do for my car to be safe to drive. He said with as perky a voice as he could dredge up, "Uh, that will be about $995 ma'am." My mouth opened up slightly and the room spun a little before I could f

Money has been a concern of mine since I was around 6 or 7 years old. I remember my Dad, indignant of the way that the large faceless insurance groups treat people, decided to start an insurance company of his own. Though well intended, this plan did not sail. Actually quite the opposite...we ended up in some pretty bad financial trouble. My Dad could not go back to the companies he had challenged so he became a free agent and soon landed in the world of Catastrophe Claims which promised more money and trips to more exotic places than Calgary. It did deliver on its promise, but there was a heavy price to pay. This kind of work meant a lifestyle of almost certain bouncing between feast and famine (especially if one could not resist the feast and was not wise enough to save for the famine). Also this meant he spent a lot of time away from home, often months. I grew up in this unstable financial environment and learned some rather bad habits. I have developed this addiction to the warmth

Homer : "Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!" Homer: "Trying is the first step towards failure." Homer: "Here’s to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life’s problems." Homer: "Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that." Homer: "Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day, and do it really half-assed. That's the American way." Troy McClure: "Don’t kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he’d eat you and everyone you care about!"

I spent some of this weekend thinking about the word redemption and what it means. Not necessarily the religious context of it, but the taking a wrong and making it right idea. I think this stuck with me because I watched a few movies over the weekend in which the themes were about making things right and using your pain to help others. Like everyone I have had some painful things happen to me and have struggled with the anger and despair that often accompanies being hurt. In the book The Shack the author calls his main character's pain (due to the murder of his youngest daughter) "the Great Sadness." This makes sense to me because some of the bad things that can happen in life seem so consuming that they haunt you no matter how hard you try to ignore them. I am often reminded of this fact when something new in my life causes me pain (a conflict. a death, etc). All of a sudden the floodgate of old pain re-opens and I find myself back at the beginning of my pain. At these

I woke up this morning and had to shake my head at my latest dreams. I don't know how many people even remember their dreams at night let alone take the time to think about them, but they are fascinating. I'm one of few people who have vivid and often intense dreams everyday and actually remember them. According to studies that have been done on this topic, everyone dreams every time they sleep (whether they remember it or not). The brain takes the last 24 to 48 hours worth of material (everything you see and experience) every night and processes it in the filing cabinet that is your memory. My dreams sometimes have similar themes to my day to day life, or are full of childhood memories, or are recurring and nightmare-like with no direct connection to my everyday life. It is clear that the world of dreams is a world of symbols. You would think this would make it easy to interpret them, but certain symbols can mean one thing to one person and something completely different t

I wanted to take a few minutes to write about someone who became very dear to me in a very short time. Jonathan and I had been exchanging regular e-mails asking each other everything about our lives and hopes and dreams. I tend to be a very private person (runs in my family), so I wouldn't normally share this much with someone I've only known for such a short time, but after reading his first few e-mails I found myself surprisingly comfortable with this partial stranger. Over the months of getting to know each other I learned about his past, his hopes for his future, and even the sweet little details like what he wants to name his first child. We talked theology, philosophy, literature, movies, and anything else that popped up. Eventually we made plans to get together and went out for tea at a local tea house. Despite live music that, though well performed, made conversation difficult, we talked and enjoyed our time together. We continued to date unofficially until he asked i

Alright so on the subject of random blogging, it has been a little while since I wrote anything on here. It's not because I have nothing to say or because nothing interesting has happened over the last few months, but because I am a self proclaimed random writer. I've never been good with deadlines or journaling or anything that takes follow through. I'm more of a in-the-minute, flying off the seat of my pants, motivated by inspirations and emotions kind of writer. So maybe I will give everyone a brief update on what has happened since July. 1) Enjoyed my trip to Pender Island (didn't see any whales on the whale watching excursion (boourns), but did see the biggest grossest jellyfish ever!) 2) Went camping with Danaya and her family along Kootenay Lake and survived a 16km hike up a mountain and back and hours of huckleberry picking (had a blast) 3) Cooked lots of Huckleberry goodies when I got home to share with family and friends (cobbler, pancakes, muffins, etc)

Hahaha this is so going to be me when I'm older...oh wait it already kinda is "I used to be With IT. But then they changed what IT was. Now what I'm with isn't IT, and what's IT seems scary and wierd. It'll happen to YOU!" Grandpa Simpson

I hope this trip to BC with Irene goes well. We always have fun of course, but Irene and I have stumbled into more adventures than I think either of us have wanted when traveling together (tornados, creepy backroads, and most memorably...carless and walking to the nearest phone in the middle or nowhere about 10 minutes past the Montana/BC border in 40 degree heat!) This trip is to Pender Island BC and it is pretty well planned out so it should go well. Also we are driving Irene's nice car instead of my dads beat up old Ford Van this time! I'm going to attempt to document my trip while I am on it but since I'm not bringing my computer it may have to wait until I get home, or since I am a random blogger, possibly not at all!

Alright so this is my first attempt at creating a blog. Actually its the first time I've done any writing of any kind in a while. I like writing and it has always been something I want to do, but I think there is a certain amount of vulnerablity in writing your thoughts and observations on a blog that I wasn't comfortable with. I hope that I will be able to express myself well and that in the midst of this exercise I will learn to let go of some of my introverted and private ways and be candid in my postings. I chose this title because I have always considered myself an optimist, trying to find the best in people, in places, in circumstances, etc. But time and experience (as well as education) has made me a bit of a cautious optimist. I think that truth is sometimes hard to swallow and that things are often not as simple as they seem. Humour is a way that I can deal with reality. Humour to me does not change or disregard the fact that bad things happen, but offers you a chance