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One chapter closes

It can be hard for me to show my emotions sometimes..it's tough when you have the peace loving, lets not rock the boat, or upset people sanguine personality from your Dad constantly fighting with the dramatic, artistic, who cares what people think melancholy personality of your Mom. Basically this means that I have lots of emotions lots of the time and the desire not to frighten others with them.

This week has not been a good week for my sanguine side. Emotions have poured past my carefully constructed barriers and flooded all the poor saps within my reach (sorry sweet roomy). Not all of them bad...not by any means. Actually I've been rather bipolar but not in the months of up and months of down kind of way...more like the running around the house laughing and dancing like a crazy person then lying down on the couch and sobbing irrationally. Is it weird that quitting your job can provoke such a dramatic response? Maybe. All I know is that I have never been happier or sadder to leave any job...ever!

I was being artistically and intellectually deprived by my work environment. I was being denied a sense of social expression and fun that any job needs to be bearable. Work will always be work but I've never been in a job where it was so frowned upon to laugh and socialize and where even breaks weren't really seen as a neccesity. I've had some bad supervisors before but none like my latest who seemed to take a sense of quiet joy in crushing my already fragile spirit.

That being said I will miss this job because of the parts of it that I grasped onto to keep a sense of purpose and dignity. I will miss the things I did well like taking care of the Physicians offices and hearing their relief and happiness that someone cared about their needs. I will miss the people with whom I had developed work relationships that brought smiles to my face - Laura in Shipping and Receiving, Stephanie in OH&W, Deb Hooper in Purchasing, and Sherry in TM Quality. And I'll miss having a good friend like Danaya to work alongside and go out for daily lunch walks with! 

As the days progress the ups and downs are starting to melt away and leaving me with a kind of stillness - a sense of peaceful acceptance and relief. I still feel like crying sometimes and I still wake up giggling that I don't have to get out of bed and go to a job that was making me more anaemic than the actual condition could ever have done. This week is all about recovery and since it's obvious that this is a necessary stage for me I am allowing it. Next week I will be getting down to bussiness and making some practical choices.

The best part of all is that I finally have something I haven't had for awhile. Hope.

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