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Everyday Escapes

So if my facebook profile or my blog comments about not being able to keep a positive attitude about recent changes at work has not already alerted you, I am currently struggling in my work environment. I hadn't really realised just how much it was affecting me until my supervisor scheduled a meeting to discuss my recent tardiness issue (as if there's anything new or recent about it). She went right in to how everyone in Purchasing has been noticing and complaining about my being late, and, instead of responding with any particular excuse or witty remark, I started crying.
Like most people I'm not fond of criticism and I do have a tendency to be a little...um ...sensitive at times, but I still didn't see this coming.
I think most people view this reaction as a sign of weakness...I'm stressed and not handling it well or depressed and need help but it's really quite different for me. I often cry when I'm angry. I build myself up to confront someone and to speak my mind about something and when my mouth opens out pops a sob rather than a reproach. It's embarrassing and makes it extremely difficult to actually make my concerns heard. Yes, I'm stressed...maybe even a little depressed about things but more than anything I'm angry. I know being tardy is not good but she had to choose to scold me for it now. NOW. Like many others here I'm hanging on by a thread. I want to quit half the time. I'm baffled by CLS's inability to make things okay. Anyway after spending the rest of the day sniffling and telling people I was having an allergic reaction, I went off to my singing lessons. Thank God for singing which has become somewhat cathartic for me. After that I went to a friends house and was poured a nice healthy glass of whisky and coke. We ate a nice dinner and watched the original Aliens movie. It was kind of gross and surprisingly scary but a good distraction. Something about horror movies really put my own troubles into perspective for me. Sure things are crappy right now but it's not like I'm battling an evil man eating alien alone in outer space. It could be so much worse. I'm so glad that work is just one part of my life and I'm so grateful for the everyday escapes that make life good in the midst of hardships (friends, coffee, movies, books, music, etc).

Comments

  1. MichelleMarch 4, 2011 at 10:04 PM

    I don't think your reaction sounds like weakness... but perhaps that's because I think it sounds exactly like me. (Seriously, did I break into your blog and write this?)

    I think that bursting out in tears a completely valid way of dealing with your stress - especially when you're already carrying too much and then they do something to throw you over the edge. But you're right, it's not very effective at getting your point across... and it gets embarrassing when you go beyond the nice little tears coming out of your eyes to the can't-inhale-without-croaking-and-shaking sort of crying.

    And they could say what they want to say in a way that would make it so much better... Something like, "How are you doing? I'm sorry for all the stress lately; I really appreciate all that you have been doing. You're doing a great job. I've noticed that you don't always make it to work on time, though. That's important - is there anything we can do to help you with that?" If they could show you their appreciation and make you feel like they're on your side, they would be more effective and probably avoid some tears on our side.

    ReplyDelete
  2. CatnipMarch 6, 2011 at 10:46 PM

    I understand your reaction. There's been a lot of negative energy in our department lately - like everyone has given up. I realized it at our meeting on Friday that we weren't able to go on for 1 minute without another person complaining or making discouraging or disparaging remarks. Sometimes I wonder if the whole situation would be better if we could start encouraging each other instead of being so negative all the time. I hope you had a good weekend, though. I'll see you tomorrow. Keep up the good work. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. AmandaMarch 7, 2011 at 9:04 AM

    Thanks for your support ladies! I'm feeling a bit better this week - the weekend really helped me unwind. Sometimes I forget just how much I'm affected by my environment.

    ReplyDelete

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