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What do I want to be when I grow up?

This is a question that runs through a person's head many times in their life. Teachers start encouraging you to think about this in Elementary school and compell you earnestly to look at all of your options while still in High School. I wouldn't be surprised if it isn't brought up at least briefly in play school though if I tried to ask my Nephew what he wants to be I'm pretty sure he would look up at me with drool slowly dripping from the corner of his upturned mouth and utter "Car! Car!" "Hmmm yes well I encourage you to think outside of the 2 year old box and maybe consider becoming a err lawyer? You know you have a way with words and you are excellent at convincing me to give you more candy though I know it will only make you hyper."

I'm not certain, but I'm pretty sure that the first thing I wanted to be was a painter. I could paint every day in a state of pure bliss and I actually wasn't half bad..I even had the honor of having one of my pieces displayed on the wall of the elementary school for about 5 years. then after a trip to Disneyland a year or so later, I decided that I wanted to be a ride designer. My sister and I would draw out our ideas for rides for hours arguing over themes. Not too long after this I tried my hand at the world of comic writing and drawing with my sister and we created the short lived series "The Adventures of Super Stormy" based on our cat at the time. At around the age of 12 we took a field trip to the Airdrie police station and did some detective work. That was when I decided that I definitely wanted to be a private detective. A few years later I updated that to a criminal profiler deciding it would be an interesting career. Once shows like CSI became popular I realized that I am not cut out for the dark world of profiling and forensics, especially considering my tendency to get faint at the sight of blood. By this time I was in High School and there were opportunities to shadow some interesting careers, so since I had always loved animals I figured maybe I would make a good veterinarian. Things went well until it was time to perform surgery on a little mound of fur that was strapped tightly to the surgical table. Oh right...the blood thing...not so good. I made it out of the room without fainting, but it was close.

So, confused and lost I turned to the box of all knowledge and asked it for help. Yes that's right, I turned on my computer and browsed google for some career tests. I found one that looked reputable and started excitedly typing up my answers to their questions. I could hardly wait for it to tell me my future..my chosen profession. I gaped at the screen, "criminal lawyer?"
I hate conflict...I'm the person who literally breaks out in hives when I have to argue a position or disagree with someone outwardly.

I asked my parents what they had wanted to be and found out where I received my career related ADD from. My Dad went to school intending to be a teacher, but realized that he didn't like children. He then wanted to be a lawyer, but hated lawyers. He then decided to be a politician but wasn't fond of politicians. Finally he chose to work in insurance and has been there ever since. My Mom likely couldn't even list all of the things she's thought of pursuing, but if she did the list would include a figure skater, a ballroom dancer, and a romance novelist. In the end she did not actually pursue any of these and instead took jobs to bring in money to survive, like many of us do, and now works and travels with my dad as a catastrophe insurance adjuster.

There are so many thing I would like to try but I don't know what to seriously pursue. I've been flirting with the idea of going back to school for over a year now and am still not any closer to making any real decisions. Sure I have an idea of what I want, but I'm nervous that I'll make the wrong decisions and end up just as confused after another four years of school as I was after High School and then again after earning my BA in Spiritual Theology at Rocky. I don't regret getting a degree at Rocky, but I wish it had given me a clearer sense of the direction I ought to head in. I know I want to teach and write, but I don't know what. Is it weird that part of me just wants someone else to tell me what to do?

Comments

  1. It's not weird. We so value our freedom of individual choice that we don't notice what a curse it can be at times - until we're in the middle of those times. Kinda like arranged marriages... We never want the loss of freedom until we're faced with the paralyzation of choice.

    The journey is as important as the destination. Go to school if you want to go to school, and pick something you want to learn; the experience itself is worth as much as where it will get you. Be who you are, where you are, today.

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